Be a Prude!
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Pastor Bob Henry
February 18, 2024
Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections. This morning our text is from Proverbs 2:6-15 and I am reading it from the The Message version:
And here’s why: God gives out Wisdom free,
is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding.
He’s a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well,
a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere.
He keeps his eye on all who live honestly,
and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones.
So now you can pick out what’s true and fair,
find all the good trails!
Lady Wisdom will be your close friend,
and Brother Knowledge your pleasant companion.
Good Sense will scout ahead for danger,
Insight will keep an eye out for you.
They’ll keep you from making wrong turns,
or following the bad directions
Of those who are lost themselves
and can’t tell a trail from a tumbleweed,
These losers who make a game of evil
and throw parties to celebrate perversity,
Traveling paths that go nowhere,
wandering in a maze of detours and dead ends.
The other day, I heard someone use a word that isn’t used very often in our day, and it really got me thinking. The word they used was the word “prude.” As in “Oh, come on don’t be a prude.” This phrase was used as a derogatory label for a person who seemingly was not forthcoming romantically over the Valentine’s holiday. Much the opposite of the public romance of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. Two people we would never give the title, prude.
I find it interesting to research words that are not used that often anymore to get to the root of their meaning. Doing a little research, I quickly realized that to be a “prude” may not be that big of an insult.
Being a prude means to be prudent, contentious, or careful. And in some ways, it almost seems a natural progression from our talking about integrity and patience the last couple of Sundays.
Historically, Christians and Quakers have considered prudence a virtue, one that helps you think through things and act in ways that are right, good, and pleasing to God.
As Quakers, we believe God gives us free will so we can choose to do what is good as the way opens and the Spirit leads.
Prudence tells us what is good, when to do it, and how to do it. Prudence helps us know and choose the right ways to reach a good end or goal.
Take for an example a simple illustration. A student has the goal of getting an A on their next exam. Cheating would be a bad way to get the good grade. Instead, studying would be the right way to reach the goal.
I use this example, because I just read that aided by technology, more students cheat in public schools than ever before. While only 20% of students in the 1940s admitted to cheating in school, this statistic has skyrocketed to 75% of today's high school student population according to the Educational Testing Service.
And what I find even sadder is that many of their parents, today, feel that cheating is an acceptable way to get ahead, or win, or succeed, just as long as one does not get caught.
I wonder if this is because of a lack of teaching prudence.
Folks, prudence can be applied in so many areas of our life. It could be budgeting wisely, thinking before speaking, taking time to plan ahead, or as simple as taking a deep breath and calming your emotions before responding to a friend.
The theologian/philosopher Thomas Aquinas, who lived in the 1200s, wrote many things about the virtue of prudence. He describes a few parts of prudence. Just like a house has many parts like walls, floors, windows, doors and a roof, prudence has many parts, as well. Knowing these different parts can help you when you must make a decision. Take for example the following parts:
Memory – We learn a lot from things that have happened in our past (or at least we should). How many times have you said, “I am not going to make that mistake again? I learned my lesson.” It can be as simple as learning not to touch a hot burner on a stove as a child, or as complex as not utilizing certain words or phrases with a family member when talking about politics. The knowledge of past events is stored in our memory. You can use your experiences to help you make prudent choices.
Understanding – You must know what is right and wrong before you can choose what is right. Understanding helps you grasp the knowledge of right and wrong. As Quakers one of the most helpful ways of discerning is through gathering a clearness committee. Allowing others to question your understanding and share wisdom is a wonderful way to help build prudence in your personal life. I love helping people gain a better understanding to make wise choices and live more fully in community. If you want to know more about clearness committees, talk to Beth or me, or someone on our Ministry and Council.
Docility – The reality is that people are not born knowing everything. We must be taught. Docility is the willingness to be taught or to be teachable.
Have you ever put a sponge in water? What happened? It soaked up the water, right? If someone is docile, he or she is ready to “soak up” knowledge and is always willing and ready to learn.
You can work on docility by listening to mentors and coaches, taking corrections well, or listening to and thinking about someone else’s ideas.
Many people say they are teachable, but in reality, they have closed their minds to new ideas, thoughts, and beliefs. Jesus was always wanting people to be open to new insights. He often said, “You have heard it said…BUT I say to you.” That is Jesus’ way of saying, be docile, be teachable. I will be honest; I rarely trust someone who does not seem teachable.
Foresight – Foresight is having a view of the future and thinking ahead. For example, if you are packing your bag for a weekend trip, it would be good to check the weather so you can pack appropriately. This is an example of foresight. When making decisions, it is important to think about the consequences of those decisions. Consider what might happen in the future if you act a certain way now.
This is something I love about Quakers, we take the time to process everything upfront, so when we come to make the decision, we can make it with confidence and all in agreement.
Circumspection – Circumspection is looking at all the facts and circumstances around a situation and thinking about them carefully when deciding what needs to be done.
This means it is important to take time to meditate, sit in silence, and to think things through before acting.
We have become extremely impulsive people. Many don’t realize that impulsivity is a behavior pattern that starts in the brain and leads to us acting without thinking. Thus, we blurt things out, we buy on a whim, we react without knowing the backstory.
Caution – Caution helps you avoid doing wrong, and helps you to watch out for things that are keeping you from doing good.
I do not believe God just wants us to avoid doing bad things. Rather God is always encouraging us to do good things in this world.
Practicing caution can help you realize if you are not doing something you should be doing.
Too often today, we talk about taking risks and going with our gut, and that can be important as well, but it does not take much more to be cautious in our decision making.
This all reminds me of this story told by a couple who was vacationing in Door County, Wisconsin. As a final activity before driving home, they decided to photograph the red lighthouse at the end of the breakwater in Algoma. Although the day was chilly and foggy, they decided to do it anyway.
As they walked along the breakwater, returning to their car, a young boy suddenly came out of the fog, riding towards them on his bicycle. On this damp and chilly day he was only dressed in a shirt and jeans—no jacket, and his right arm was in a cast.
As he rushed past on his bike, the wife thought to herself, “That crazy kid! It’s so cold and windy; he’s going to catch his death of cold. I hope he has enough sense to stop when he gets to the end of the breakwater.”
Not long after, the boy came riding back past the couple. But instead of pedaling down the center of the breakwater, he rode along the edge, above the deep mist‐shrouded water. As the couple walked along, the wife glanced up just in time to see the boy fall: as if in slow motion, the boy and his bicycle toppled into the cold waters of Lake Michigan.
Her husband and several nearby fishermen managed to reach the boy and drag him back onto the breakwater, where he stood, soaked and shivering. The couple offered to drive him home, but he pulled away from them. Running down the breakwater towards the shore, he was soon once more lost in the fog.
That boy and his conduct serve as a good illustration of the way many people live, today – running in a fog, casting caution to the wind when it comes to their life and the lives of others, barely surviving one disaster and racing on to the next, and maybe onto the final disaster.
So, to keep us from running in a fog, or casting caution to the wind, let me suggest some queries that may help us begin to practice more prudence in our lives:
· Who is a person I consider wise and how might I seek them for advice on how to make good decisions? Might I need to seek out a clearness committee to help me discern?
· Do I pause and think before I speak or act? Do I consider whether what I am going to do is right and good?
· Do I learn from my own and other people’s decisions? What friend could I discuss the negative and positive consequences of making good and bad decisions?
· Before making any decision, do I take a moment to meditate, reflect, sit in silence and listen for the Spirit’s nudging?
So, as we ponder those queries and enter a time of patient and waiting worship, remember it ok to be a prude. Actually, with all the lying, all the cheating, all the fake news, all the reactions without thinking of the consequences, it might not be too bad of a time to be a prude.