The Benefit of Vulnerability
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Bob Henry
July 20, 2025
Good morning, Friends, and welcome to Light Reflections. The scripture I have chosen for this morning is from 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 from the New Revised Standard Version.
We have spoken frankly to you Corinthians; our heart is wide open to you. There is no restriction in our affections but only in yours. In return—I speak as to children—open wide your hearts also.
Let me start this message with a little explanation. I have been re-reading a book that at one time spoke to my condition for very different reasons than it does as I re-read it, today.
The book is about artmaking – which, whether you believe it or not, all of us are art makers in some way, shape, or form. Now, don’t get too hung up on artmaking, because that is not specifically what we are talking about today, yet, I have a feeling it may be discussed in future sermons.
For this morning, I want to talk about a subject that was raised in my heart while re-reading the book “Art and Fear” by David Bayles and Ted Orland. Actually, the book addresses it in multiple ways, but never really labels it. The subject that has arisen is:
VULNERABILITY.
Now, maybe the subject arose because Sue and I were visiting family last weekend that we had not seen for quite some time and on occasion we had to be very careful and even guarded with our conversations (especially about politics).
Or maybe it was left-over from our recent Western Yearly Meeting Annual Sessions at Quaker Haven where when people began to become vulnerable and openly share out of the silence, the time was abruptly ended for us to go to lunch.
Or maybe, even though I was not with you, realizing that last Sunday was my 8th year anniversary at First Friends, and reminiscing that these past eight wonderful, thriving, and hopeful years of ministry have been made up of many moments of vulnerability. At the same time, there were many things in these past eight years that my family has dealt with that I have not been able to share with you for various reasons.
Let’s be honest, being vulnerable is very personal and at times can be unsafe or simply uncomfortable. Our vulnerability can lead to other people’s judgement, to misunderstandings, even to a gulf being wedged between people or Friends.
I remember a sermon I gave early on in my time here at First Friends where I vulnerably shared some of my own racist history. I had several people from our meeting contact me afterwards and tell me that by sharing like this I was making others uncomfortable and that I might possibly even be calling individuals or our meeting racist. And I was told that If I was going to be successful around here that I should probably curb those thoughts or not share them.
Yet almost two years later, I ran into someone who had visited our Meeting on that very Sunday and heard that message. As we were talking, they mentioned how that sermon was so important to not only them, but to many others they shared it with. They said the vulnerability I showed opened doors for others to share, and they had been waiting to see that from the pulpit in a Friends Meeting for a long time.
Folks, this is the fine line a pastor must balance when deciding to be vulnerable. I am just glad we have chosen to continue to grow, learn, and wrestle with racism and many other tough subjects at this Meeting.
Now, on the other side of this, when our authentic self sees an opening and the risk of vulnerability is overcome, and when that vulnerability is met with care, concern, acceptance, and a listening ear, it leads to walls coming down, relationships being formed, and ultimately a better understanding and openness to learn.
As Quakers, we should know that embracing authenticity before God and others through vulnerability creates intimacy with the Divine and connection with others in a bond of peace.
But way too often, we, Friends embrace our silence, and like turtles revert into our shells where it seems safer or easier.
Let’s get real, most of us prefer hiding the truth about ourselves from others, and even the Divine, often this is our attempt to control outcomes and sadly manipulate people.
At other times, we despair of our own brokenness to the extent we feel unworthy of connection, and we find ways to turn people away from being able to speak into our lives.
I remember making quick friends with a member of my doctoral cohort in Oregon. Soon I realized that he had an ability to see through my own struggles and call them out. Actually, he had the ability to do this with almost anyone in the room. I would say it was a gift or maybe a curse. He often made us feel uncomfortable. His vulnerability made us almost shudder. But many of us just wanted him out of the room at times so it would be a bit easier. To this day, this person’s vulnerability and the words they spoke into my life during this time were life altering and opened new opportunities for connection and freedom to be more of myself.
This resulting freedom and healing not only opens a pathway to greater connection with others but helps us know ourselves in a more authentic way.
Brene’ Brown, in her work, Daring Greatly, explains:
“Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
As Quakers, we might say that vulnerability invites us into the Light, to a place of Truth, with a willingness to be seen and known. While we often think hiding behind anonymity or a people-pleasing mask presents a more acceptable persona, we sacrifice true connection, and worse, we lose our real selves.
As a pastor in Oregon, I embraced a people-pleasing mask with the Friends on both sides of the same sex marriage debate – all while not divulging what I believed on the subject. Part of it was I had not had the time to fully process my beliefs about the issues before being demanded which side I was going to stand on. Also, depending on what I said or even inferred I was being threatened constantly to be removed from ministry if it was the wrong side. Yet during this time, God, in his special way, brought vulnerable and authentic people of the Queer Community into both Sue and my personal and Meeting’s lives. Through their vulnerability, they showed us how to remove our masks. They even invited us to see the Light through their vulnerability. And we soon were willing to sacrifice for them and make deeper connections, because it was evident that this is what God was asking of us.
One thing that becomes painfully clear on our journeys is all our carefully constructed defense and protection mechanisms designed to keep others from seeing our authentic selves only stifles our spiritual formation and growth. This can lead us to become mad or frustrated with God, sometimes shaking a fist at the Divine, and struggling to believe in love and the good in people, especially those who say they believe this but do not act in this manner.
As well, by bringing a false self to our neighbors, and especially the Divine, results in our inability to truly know them, experience their love, and become the persons we were created to be.
On the other hand, when we lean into this vulnerability with our neighbor and the Divine, the process opens our hearts to receive healing, love, and a deeper intimacy in our world. Something that really looks like what it means to be a Quaker and even a Christian.
The process of being real with the Divine, ourselves, and others, even though painful, results in humility born of a fuller understanding of grace, which inspires vulnerability, compassion, and ultimately spiritual growth.
Because at its essence, vulnerability is about honesty – owning our stories both before others and God. But sadly, not everyone likes us to be honest – and let’s be frank, at times we don’t like it either.
This is why when people are vulnerable, they are taking a risk at being honestly with who they are, and often this is misunderstood because we are not expecting this coming from this person. It may seem too frank or too honest and often we want to make excuses for them or soften it up, but vulnerability is often frank, raw, and in-process.
As our scriptures say for this morning,
We have spoken frankly to you Corinthians; our heart is wide open to you. There is no restriction in our affections but only in yours. In return—I speak as to children—open wide your hearts also.
Sometimes we need to open our hearts wide to hear the frankness and vulnerability of our neighbors.
Also, when you and I honestly and authentically come before the Divine or our neighbors without pretense, we can begin the process of finding peace. Peace in our own hearts and peace with our neighbors. Peace becomes a tremendous gift, as we no longer feel the need to strive or earn anyone’s love or acceptance.
Someone asked me once in Oregon why I was preaching so much on Loving God and Loving our Neighbors. Instead of answering him, I took Jesus’ approach. I asked him a question. “What would you like me to be preaching about instead?” He said, “You should be preaching against sin.” And my response was simple, “Tell me the sin you struggle with the most, and I will start there.” The conversation came to an abrupt end, go figure. Folks, that could have been a real moment of vulnerability, compassion, spiritual growth – and it could have led to peace both for him and our faith community.
At first, vulnerability feels hard, but what feels like weakness in admitting our struggles is actually being transformed into strength, confidence, and acceptance. That moment of vulnerability can be a catalyst for change, for discovery, for real peace.
I had a student once who tried to question me about something that I had said in a lecture, and I realized he was trying to back me into a corner. Instead of entering the argument he wanted, I asked to have lunch and hear his story. I sat at lunch as he vulnerably poured out his life struggles. At one point he said, “Why did you do this to me?” A bit confused at first, I realized he had shared deeply and vulnerably, and I had not said a word. So, I simply asked what he was looking for, and instead of responding he broke down crying.
I realized he just needed to be heard, accepted just as he was, and allowed to show he had weaknesses and struggles. After that lunch, I watched him gain more and more confidence and I believe he found his true voice. His vulnerability over that lunch became a catalyst for his own change.
What this says to me is that each of us WANTS to be heard – actually, we NEED to be heard.
So, how might you and I begin this journey toward vulnerability, strength, confidence, and acceptance? I leave you with one final thought – it again is from Brene Brown from her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. She says,
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
Folks, will you join me in attempting to be more vulnerable this week? Will you join me in allowing our authentic selves to emerge? And then, let’s watch how our personal lives, our communities, and even our world begin to change for the better.
Now as we enter a time of waiting worship, let us take a moment to allow the Spirit to guide and nudge us toward more vulnerability. To help us center down, here are some queries to ponder:
· Where do I struggle to be vulnerable in my life? What fears do I have?
· What defense and protection mechanisms have I created to keep others from seeing my authentic self?
· How might embracing my authenticity before God and others through vulnerability, create intimacy with the Divine and connection with others in the bond of peace?